smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
