I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
