Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
