Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
