Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i will never coherently bang her
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
