God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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