If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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