the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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