Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
