Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
