I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
