...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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