Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize