Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I am available for nakedness
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
