O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
