How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
