Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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