sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
