I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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