I cockslap morals
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
