I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
