We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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