whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
