I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
