I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
