I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
