I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
