Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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