I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
