dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
