Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
