i'm signing you up for texting rehab
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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