Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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