rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
