This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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