i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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