I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
