I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize