She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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