Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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