shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
