I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
