In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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