im drinking this country out of the recession.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
