Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
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