I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
