Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
