ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
