great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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