"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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