Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
