You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
