do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
