Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
