dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
