Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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