i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
