from now on my penis is your penis
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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