I could have mohawked her pubes.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
