farters have to be the big spoon...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
