Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
