I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
