thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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