I can't watch pbs sober anymore
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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