I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
