We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
