My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
