do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
