Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I need to stop coming to work sober
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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