New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
