he shaved USA in his pubs
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
