It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
