dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
