i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
