how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
