i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
