he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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