The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
