I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
should my penis look like a turkey
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm getting married
To pizza
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
