I can text with my tongue
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
