I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
