i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize